Helping kids cope with pet loss

Here is a great article on helping kids cope with pet loss (excerpts only):

Whether expected or not, the death of a beloved family pet often leaves families feeling sad and unprepared. For families with young kids, a pet’s passing may be the first time parents discuss death with their children.

Few parents know how to approach this challenging topic, particularly with very young children. “Developmentally, children of this age do not understand the finality or permanence of death,” says Kate Munson, a Seattle counselor whose specialties include pet loss.

Munson urges parents to use straightforward and simple language when a pet dies. Parents can tell children, for example, “The pet’s body stopped working.” They should use concrete words like “dead, died or dying,” Munson says.

It’s not their fault
Even with simple, direct, to-the-point information, parents can expect misunderstandings. Preschool-age children are still learning the forces of cause and effect, and may believe they’re responsible for their pet’s death. “If anything happens to a pet and it dies, the child may very well think that he or she did something wrong,” says Wallace Sife, Ph.D., a Brooklyn-based psychotherapist, author of The Loss of a Pet, and founder of the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement . Reassure children they did nothing wrong, he stresses.

And don’t lie. “Resist the temptation to say the pet went to live with a family in the country,” says Ann R. Howie, a Lacey-area counselor with expertise in human-animal interaction. Concocting tall tales can create even more problems. Let’s say the child wants to visit the pet or asks why another family gets to keep it. Euphemisms such as “went to sleep” or “put to sleep” don’t work well, either. They can confuse kids (what does that really mean, after all?) and can cause them to fear going to sleep, Munson says.

What to share
While experts favor honesty and openness, pet euthanasia presents an exceptionally difficult challenge for parents. Some parents may choose not to go into detail with their children, but simply say that a pet died.

“Euthanasia is a difficult concept for adults to grasp, let alone young children,” Howie says. A child’s age and maturity level, as well as the pet’s health status, may dictate how much parents decide to share.

First experience with death
The way parents handle the death of a family pet can have lasting effects.

“The first experience with death is usually with a pet,” Sife says. “It could be a turtle, it could be a goldfish, or it could be a dog or a cat.” And this first encounter “shapes how we will approach and view future deaths,” says Munson.

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Helping kids deal with the grief from the death of a pet
• Don’t feel you need to hide your own sadness; children learn from and model adults’ emotions.
• Be open to providing comfort and answering questions about the pet’s death; these needs may pop up at any time, even long after the pet has died.
• If children show interest, help them draw pictures of their
• pet or make a scrapbook of memories. Talk with them during the process.
• Establish a family remembrance of your pet; a specific place, a special time or something you do together as a family to memorialize your lost friend.
• Take it slowly when considering a new pet; make sure everyone is ready.
http://www.parentmap.com/article/when-a-pet-dies-helping-your-child-cope